What is a home? 什么是个家？

Damn it, the daily routine repeats itself without fail every day. Why must she do this to me? WHY?????????? I really can't get what she is thinking. I constantly remind myself to just bear with it,it will be over soon. Yet what do i get in return? MORE SCOLDINGS. MORE THREATENINGS!!! FUCK MY LIFE.

What have i done wrong to deserve this? All those accusations from her are definitely enough to drive me CRAZY!

Ignore it? She scolds me from treating her as an invisible person and scolds me for being rude.
Speak up for myself? She reprimands me of being 不孝 ，以后会有报应 WHAT THE SHIT SIA.

What's worse? I clearly know that she cares for me,she scolds me because she actually CARES for me, but WHY? WHY MUST SHE TREAT ME THIS WAY? I rather she just dont care about me,leave me alone,让我自生自灭. At least this gives me a reason to hate her, treat her like an enemy. BUT NO,I CANT DO IT, she's my mother after all,i know she cares for me.... What else can i do to free myself from this torture????

麻痹自己？自暴自弃？ or should i just cut myself? Yea tats just exactly wat i did awhile ago,and it was a TOTAL MISTAKE. I JUST ANNOUNCED TO THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT ME BEING WEAK, BEING EMOTIONAL, BEING ANNOYING,ALL I CAN DO IS RUN AWAY AND CRY!
How about 自暴自弃？Teachers start gossiping and complaining about my learning attitude in school, enemies start to 借题发挥，seizing this opportunity to HATE and spread hates about me more. FUCK. Hmmmm and i guess im left with numbing myself huh? Leaving house early in the morning for school and coming back home at midnight after work every day. Not enough? Buy a few more cans of beer to numb myself more. I know that this cant even solve the problems im facing now.家，本应是个能让人在遇到挫折时养伤的地方。但我的家，却是个让我更痛苦的地方。我能怎么办？

 我真的累了，心累了。Friends betrayed me,teachers proved me wrong that i could trust them, family does nothing but adds on to the torture. 我身边的人都带上了五颜六色的假面具。所谓：“ 靠山山会倒，靠人人会跑，靠自己最好”。对呀，几年来的我一直都只能靠自己。但我不是超人，我也会心痛，我也会流泪，我更会心累....